He’s Not Into You

It honestly feels so good to be able to write again. It’s not that I haven’t had my laptop or haven’t had the right ideas for topics to write but it’s more of I haven’t had the motivation or real push to write. And I know, you’re probably thinking, “what the hell, why would I take advice on something like this from someone who’s not in a long-lasting committed relationship?” But just hear me out… Sometimes being on the outside looking in, you have a better idea of what reality is and can even bring up some good points. 

The first obvious thing to ask yourself is why do you think this person isn’t into you? If you have all the signs that someone wants to be with you then there should be no reason to second guess your spot in that person’s life, right? Is this an insecurity that you’ve carried from one relationship to the next? Is he doing or saying something that makes you hesitate whether or not you should say that you two are an “item”? There are a bunch of questions you should ask and clarify with yourself before you really dive into the conversation of is he really into me with someone else. 

When looking into the idea of he’s not that into you and getting opinions from friends and even the person I’ve been spending my time with, it was easy to come up with the top-10 red flags and things to think about to really solidify your place in his (or her) life. Kate from A Conscious Rethink was able to give me clarity in this topic and hopefully our breakdown gives you peace of mind. This might sound like tough love in places, but that’s just what you need to stop spending hours analyzing his text messages and move on with your life. 

1. He never contacts you first.

When we like someone, we all try to play it cool, but most of us tend to fail, whether male or female. If he likes you, he’ll be really keen to talk to you, whenever he’s got a spare minute. If he likes you, you’ll be on his mind, and he’ll want to know if he’s on yours. But if it’s always you who’s making contact first, that’s a sign that his interest to talk to you is if you initiate things.

2. He makes you wait.

Okay, so there’s always a chance that he might just be deluded enough to think that ‘playing it cool’ is going to work and that if he waits three days before returning your texts… you won’t be able to resist his charms. But, if he’s consistently trying to play hard to get by waiting for hours or days before responding to your messages, even when he’s read them, he probably just doesn’t want to talk to you all that much.

3. He cancels repeatedly.

If the two of you are dating, then the odd cancellation is legitimate. If he tells you his dog died or he’s got a cold, then believe him. Sometimes life does get crazy and we don’t have the time to see people no matter how much we’d like to. But if he’s cancelling on you repeatedly and not making sure to reschedule for the very next possible opportunity… that’s a big warning sign that you should more than likely delete his number.

4. He blows hot and cold.

One minute he seems super interested in you and is really affectionate and the next he’s just not. Chances are that the keen moments occur when he’s feeling lonely or insecure and when he’s back on an even keel you’ve served your purpose… until the next time his ego needs massaging. If he’s trying to repeatedly pick you up and drop you then he’s not the one for you.

5. He breadcrumbs you.

Bread-crumbing is when a person doesn’t really like you, but still wants to have someone around for moments when they need company. They want someone on the back burner. An excellent example of this is if he tends to watch your Instagram stories or like your posts to make sure that you’re still thinking about him, with minimum effort on his part, like never actually properly getting in touch with you.

6. You don’t get his full attention.

When you’re together he always has one eye on his phone or is looking over your shoulder for anyone else that might interest him. Everyone can seem distracted now and again if they’ve got something big going on in their life taking up their head space. But if they consistently don’t seem to really be in the room when you’re together, you can confidently conclude that you’re not a priority for him.

7. You can’t think of any nice things he’s done for you.

If you like him, I’m willing to bet that you’ve already made countless little gestures that would prove it to him if he was open to them. But he’s not and he hasn’t reciprocated. If you sit down and think about it, you can’t think of one nice thing that he’s ever gone out of his way to do for you. BIG red flag and it’s time to move on.

8. You don’t really know anything about him.

If he hasn’t opened up to you at all, that’s not a good sign. He keeps conversation superficial and you’re yet to see any cracks in his armor.

9. And he doesn’t really know anything about you.

He doesn’t know anything about you because he hasn’t asked. Because he’s not interested. He doesn’t remember the things you’ve volunteered about yourself, either. Conversation tends to be pretty bland and focused around him… with him expressing no interest in your day or life events.

10. He’s told you that he’s not looking for a relationship.

Yes, I know, people sometimes aren’t looking for relationships but suddenly meet the one and fall in love anyway. But that doesn’t happen very often. More often than not, if he’s not looking for a relationship, it doesn’t matter how amazing you are… you’re not going to change his mind. Other warning signs are if he tells you that he just wants to see where things go, or that he’s focusing on his career right now, or that he wants to work on your friendship before taking things to the next level, blah, blah blah. He might even believe that this stuff is true… but if he really liked you then none of that would matter that much.

If something deep down inside you is telling you that he doesn’t like you like that, then he probably doesn’t like you like that. Don’t squash those feelings down. Listen to what your gut is trying to tell you and move on before you get hurt. It’s probably not going to be easy, but in a few months you’ll look back and thank god you didn’t waste any more of your energy on him and find it hard to remember what you ever liked about him anyway. Until next time…

xoxo, B.

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