Why I Cut My Hair

Here we are… In 2019. It’s hard for me to break down what I’ve been through these last couple of years. Not because I don’t remember what’s happened or I’m afraid to talk about it – but I don’t think the English dictionary has words that can explain it. For you to understand. Generalized Anxiety Disorder, losing my sister and best friend, heart failure, CMV, medications, trichotillomania, and depression. Despite all the negatives, I love myself now more than you’ll ever know.

I have talked about all of those things except for one – alopecia. Of all things that could go wrong this was one I never saw coming. I felt like this rollercoaster of mine was finally coming to an end and all passengers were getting ready to unbuckle their seat belts and go their destined ways. Blindsided. Like all things in life, you can’t expect things to always go your way. That will never happen. And as hard as it is to believe, some things can not be missed… even when it comes to the downfalls.

Stress, sleepless nights, and medication side effects are all to honor when it comes to my alopecia diagnosis. So what exactly is alopecia? How do you control it? What does this mean for my future? Alopecia Areata, also known as spot baldness, is a condition in which hair is lost from some or all areas of the body. Often it results in a few bald spots on the scalp, each about the size of a coin.

I started to notice hair loss around my hairline while washing my hair in the shower and soon after chunks started to fall out (similar to a chemotherapy patient). I was utterly amazed that my body would not only do this to me but be able to go through yet another life challenge. So much psychological health and wellness comes from our looks – which includes our hair. People feel as though they are defined by their height, weight, makeup skills, relationships and all other artificial things. This society forgets to look at each others intrinsic value. There is no value in the amount of money that sits in your bank account or the car you have parked in the parking lot. How are you carrying yourself?

Luckily my alopecia is caused by tension which is just another reminder that I need to focus on myself – physically, mentally and emotionally. With time and patience my hair will grow back strong and healthy. A shaved head just initiates a fresh start. There are so many good things to be thankful for and look towards. Allow me to be a spitting image of that for you. You are so much more than what the eye meets. You are here to do amazing things and with time you will fully understand that – I promise. I shaved my head for those that have died, lack love, going through chemotherapy, in hospital beds, depressed, afraid to take the next step. For those that feel like prisoners, this is your release day. Until next time…

xoxo, B.

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